The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I was walking aimlessly on a rainy drizzling day on a road opposite to my school covered with buildings on my both sides with trees on the front of the houses, creating a serene divine mood. I was staring straight at my school front gate and i suddenly got remembered of my nine years and two more years in that school. “My second home”. I looked up the sky slowly to see they were covered with dark clouds indicating that they may pour any moment. That was the moment which pulled me in remembering my childhood days or say those old school days. They brought back many memories that are to be cherished and lived on. The walls of the school had seen me growing up in a better way than anyone else or should i say that my school grew up along with me.
I still remember my mother telling me that it was two and half year after i had born the school was started. I did my initial kg’s in the very same school and later i joined back in my fourth standard, i still remembered the entrance i took, the way the principal asked me questions and then admitted me in the school. I remembered the way my 4th & 5th standard friend becoming a pen friend to me, to whom am still friend with. I remembered all the pranks i played on my friends and the punishments i shared with them. I remembered many fights, scolding each other, shouting at each other, creating differences, making wrong assumptions, etc etc etc. It brought a small smile on my lips to think how funny i and my friends were. How much we have missed. I still remember one of my 4th standard friend who ate safety pins. chalks, springs just because he like them. I once heard that he like inks too. I remembered my crazy and shrewd acts to escape punishments. I remembered my passionate hating towards my social teacher. Many more as it goes. Remembering all these i reached the front door of my school. I have to take left for my home.
It was then i suddenly remembered the words of my English teacher about “the road not taken” poem in her sweet, clear English accent. The Poem that had touched a particular string of my heart. I stood in front of my old school, taking myself back to those sweet and beautiful memories of the road i had not taken. Better say a part of my heart wish that i had taken. It was again on a moody day of my tenth standard class when boys football team was playing the semifinal match for their respective house teams that i laid my eyes on him first. (I never knew when he saw me first still as i never had a opportunity to talk to him in first place till now.) My team was playing against the opponent team, so i was watching the match from front of my class in third floor, by pulling a bench out of my class with my classmates help and sitting on it for a clear view. It was rather a crucial moment win when i saw him hitting a goal in the penalty shoot out as my team member did a mistake and i had a instant hating towards him. “Experts now say hating someone leads you towards a passionate love”. If only i had known this concept then i would not have tried it. Obviously his team had won that time due to his goal and the whole 12th std and 10th std batch girls were head over heels on him, for his kick and all were behind him. Expect our house members of 10th std students (12th std people loved him anyways as he was his classmate) who were angry against him and also sad for losing the opportunity for the house cup. It was then i first called (named) him White Pig in front of my friends. I never knew our paths are going to be crossed again and again and i never knew still when my hatred changed to infatuation and then to first love ( Sounding Funny to even me)
I saw him two days later crossing me so closely to attend a common lecture. He brushed past me and i was electrically charged and was rooted in the same spot for a minute before my friend brought me back from my reverie. All through the lectures the staring sessions were on. My adrenaline rush got best out of me and all my anger towards him disappeared like a puff of smoke with my one look in his eyes. Eyes that can create a havoc in your life and the looks that could kill.
Days started to move very soon with all staring and him smiling and my shocking wide eyed expressions. Whenever he goes for a break with his class friends he used to peep into my class just to see my blushing smile. In Bhajans and other places where 10th and 12th std should be together, we used to talk through our eyes and assure through our smiles. Blending of my blushes along with adrenaline rushes made my days delightful and wanting. I started looking forward for the nights to end and days to come soon. Sooner even the dreams were filled with joy and happiness of the day events making them beautiful too. Soon my friend learnt my crazy carvings for him and she took it one step further by showing me his home which was there in the end of my school road. I was still more delighted to watch him now and then when i cross his place to my friends house which was on the opposite end of the main road.
Few memories are still etched in my heart that it cant be easily removed. I remembered once during lunch i was about to bump into him almost as i was thinking and walking with his memories, I straightened myself in the right moment and i lifted my head to see him staring at me concerned with a small smile on his lips and hands in the air ready to catch me in the right moment. I was about to say sorry but words got stuck in my mouth and i was blushing profusely and i felt that he learned my little secret of thinking about him as his lopsided smirk appeared on his beautiful face. I was embarrassed that i left the place in hurry without even telling a sorry but shamelessly thinking about his lips and his smirk. huh!!! I was hyperventilating in the restroom for 5 minutes with my hand over my heart to reduce its beating and butterflies fluttering in my stomach relaying that smirking face of his. I remembered the very next day after the school ended i was having my cycle key rotating in my hand when it suddenly landed on the floor making me to bend and pick it up. Just near my keys i saw suddenly a pair of shoes appearing out if thin air and i lifted my head to see him standing in front of me with his same lopsided smirk, teasing me in front of my friends and reminding me silently about previous days almost bump. I saw him flanged between his two class mates who were laughing silently along with my friends who were behind my back. Out of all this i realized that he just ran and stood in front of me when he saw me bending just to tease me. He was teasing me! Grrrrrrrr….!!!
I still remembered how i panicked every single day when he doesn’t turn up to school and always found him standing in front of his gate to assure me. I still remembered how he used to come late every single day in the morning hour just to get sweet scoldings from all the staff. Even all the teachers were with him and they never scold him for anything. He created a charm around every person who laid their eyes on him. Sooner he became my lucky charm and he was everything i wanted in my life at that time.
I remember once when standing and talking to my tamil teacher once infront of the staff room with my friend i saw him walking into the school gate from third gate with a kid holding his hand. I asked my friend to know about the kid and later i found that was his relative’s ( may be even step mom) kid. I also found on the same day that he lost his mother when he was young and that’s the reason that teachers were never angry on him but on opposite they handle him politely. He was always my lucky charm from then as when i start something after seeing him it would end in success. That day my talk with my tamil teacher went well too and all my test’s for the day got cancelled. I started getting more addicted to him. I felt he removed my pain with his look and became my strength in all necessary times. At the same time days started running fast. Evenings i will make sure i see him before i leave home ( he had other classes to attend in school itself). Weekends i used to pass buy his house for my Math tuition to get his glimpse and also will search for him on roads and i was never disappointed. I remembered those fearless days of mine.
I remember him speaking to the speaker during some lecture about importance of money in life and he just left the place later. Once when the sir was going out her called one of the student for something, he pointed at me only but i was lazy enough to move from the place so i sent my friend only later to realize that the speaker wanted me to call him. I hated myself for missing one opportunity to talk with him. once the lecture got over he was again behind me with his friends till the cycle stand talking little loudly and demanding water from one of his friends sister and sweet talking to her to make me jealous. This day was another memorable day of my life that i had spent with him. i even saw him in my near by temple once, where he stood so close to me brushing my side while praying and thus creating a natural vibration in me. That was some auspicious day and that day marked another milestone in my life as i thought Devimaa just checked us together. That day too his eyes never left mine in the crowd.
I remembered once during a rainy day that i was late to school in the morning (for some special class) , I parked my cycle in cycle stand and was rushing towards my class when i felt eyes on me and immediately figured out that it was his eyes. I searched for him and sooner found out him in a jula in the park waiting for me to look at him. We smiled at each other so politely and sooner his smile turned to smirk as i got hit by a tree trunk that was in my way. Then i rushed to my class while hearing his sweet laughter coming behind from me. As i was late my tamil miss didn’t allow me to step inside the class and this was seen by him. It was the first day that he was angry at me for coming to school late. Uff still i remember the steam from his eyes. I apologized to my miss soon before the prayer started by telling my reasons for coming late which was seen by him. That finally made him relax a little. Few days later during an another rainy day i saw him bunking his experts classes and coming and standing behind me while i was waiting for my mother under a shade of a classroom. That was the same day my mother asked about him to me and i spoke to about him to my mom (Just imagine). Then My birthday came and i wore a color dress (Blue with peach color) and i was staying silently in my class not to seek attention. But as always his friends saw me and went back to him to tell him because of which he came rushing to me. I remembered how cool that day was and i also saw him coming behind me that day evening when i was on the way to math class. On his Diwali i remember him wearing a peach shirt.
Successfully my syllabus were completed and a series of test for one and half month were planned by the school management for tenth and twelfth standard. That was the start of my fear for two things. One to do well in my exam and two not to miss him. I was not able to concentrate much on the second part though. Time was flying past us and we exchanged many more sweet memories like this. Corridor studies for the exams, changing the places and sitting just to watch each other, Walking with my friend in the evening, with him walking in front of us or him walking with his friends and me stalling behind him. Very sooner my one and half month tests got over and all were busy with marks and improving themselves, and preparing for the next few test that were lined up after this but i was really sad that he was sad about something. I even watched his friends consoling him twice but i never intended to talk to him (Wish i had done)
Then came the tour with few students backing out due to some issues including me. Those days were the most torturing days for me without seeing him. Only if i had known i will never see him again for life very soon. I wished and prayed for his well being daily or even for every hour daily for those three days till i saw him in flesh infront of my eyes on monday following the trip. I was thinking the whole time whether he remembered me even once during the trip. For this question still i don’t have answer myself. But i sooner learnt that all of them enjoyed nicely and i was satisfied that that’s all i want. Again the exam writing started and afternoons were passed with reading for the next exam. It was one day like that when i was reading for my exams and he was passing by me i realized that many teachers in my school got to know about us. That scene still plays in my head clearly. Two teachers were sitting beside me in bench and were correcting paper. This guy who was passing me suddenly stopped next to me and spoke to my class mate something unreasonable, as always i started all smiling and things that my economics teacher as him to vacate this place with all smile in her face and looking at me. He was adamant for a moment that she literally threatened him to vacate the place which he did with all smiles stealing glances of me. I was confused for a moment or so until i saw my miss controlling her laugh by tightening her lips and by shaking her head. I was embarrassed again. Few days later similarly when i was reading i saw him walking out of the rest room with his friends, he winked at me killing me at the same time and wholeheartedly laughed seeing my shocked expression. I turned wildly around both sides to release my breadth after i confirmed that none looked at us. At the same day he gave me second time heart attack by wolf whistling one of the kollywood number (Kaadhalikkum aasail illai song) during lunch period and took me by surprise (surprise because he don’t know tamil). From then on he never left me alone, even if i hide from him to read peacefully he will come in search of me and make my heart flutter or he would do something funny and will make me shocked all the time. This moved on and finally public practical examinations came. I was anxiously waiting for him once his first exam(physics) and i saw him coming back all gloomy and sad. I didn’t know what went wrong but just prayed he did well. I also remember how he started maintaining his distance from me and all eye talking were suddenly stopped. Farewell day was another bland event. He came late in the morning and we all started for temples and we prayed for good results and i think in two places he was standing just behind me his face all serious, once we returned back we had lunch and then some talk of motivations were going on but i never took my eyes on him. Farewell day ended peacefully and we all left back home after that. I never took it seriously as i thought it was just exam stress. Soon exam started and he completed his exams before mine and soon mine ended too. I went on the last day of my exam only to be dissapointed that he was not there waiting for me like usual. My whole tenth holidays passed by me choosing the same stream as his and same language as his. I kept waiting and praying to god but all my prayers went in vain. My school for 11th started and i made all new friends and were all busy telling them my history geography and one evening he suddenly popped out of thin air from behind a car where he was supposedly hiding to catch a glimpse of me. I shouted to my friends that its him and those shameless idiots started gawking over him in the middle of the road stopping their vehicle. They were all swooned by his appearance. I still remembering him wearing a yellow color small checked shirt with the lines white in color. I saw him smiling with his head bent down and walking slowly towards us and i made these girls to leave the place immediately as they were making the situations difficult for me. I was finally happy after a long time to know that he is back in town and walked the way back in the drizzling rain singing and dancing all the way from where my friends left me till my home. My happiness however short lived as he never turned back after that, how much ever i tried to get a glimpse of him. Few more months passed in blur with his memories in my heart. I prayed wholeheartedly to God to just seeing him once and confirm that he was fine. I remember that day very well when the floor from devi’s hand feel down granting my wish, and i know i will see him soon.
January 2006 and i was on my way back home with my parents flanged on either side on me (one on bike and other on cycle & me in another cycle) night 8’o clock, Like usual i peeped inside his house to see his pale and tired face with a untidy hair and a drowsy and frightened eyes staring back at me. i was crossing his place and all happened so quickly for me to realize anything, I saw him on a red chair though and still today i don’t know whether it was really him or not. That was the last time i saw him.
Loud thunder brought me back to the present, I realized i was still standing in front of my school with a painful face. I slowly took a left and started walking raising my head and looking at the sky to check whether i can make home before it rains heavily with lot of thoughts in my mind. It been eight years since i last saw him but still the memories associated with him are fresh in my mind. I have gotten over him for sure in this past years but few questions still remain the same. Why didn’t i try talking to him once? how my life would have been if he was there in my life? why hadn’t he approached me even once? Did he tried playing with my feelings? what was he so worried about during the last days? why haven’t he once comeback from where ever he went? Will i ever see him once in future? Had he got married himself? will we talk suppose if we met? Will i recognize him? will he recognize me? would it be painful or funny? would we talk? Ufff never ending questions. With this as usual i turned to left when i reached the end of the road to see a clinic name board standing the front of the same house where he used to live one. Where his memories are living now. I nodded my head slowly thinking that i took the road less traveled (being a teenager that time it was common to fell in love with and create problems in life, but i never did that as i took a lot of time to remove the pain of loosing him hence i diverted myself with other things in life) and i will reach my success slowly and steadily, so there is no point in worrying about the road not taken.
Thank you all for patiently putting up with this story. I have two more like this to write, So once am done with this i will update my story that is pending for a very long time. If time permits i will try giving a short update there too! If things goes well. Do like and drop in your comments taking your little time so as to help me in improving me writing and also motivating me with your words. All your comments are my motivations so please take some time and tell me how it was.
Also i didn’t proof read so please ignore typo’s
deepasharma2889 